Florence and my Inner Control Freak

I’m writing this in the midst of Hurricane Florence – in Western North Carolina, now just a tropical depression. She continues to dump rain and is taking her time moving on out of here. She has changed people’s plans – and their homes –  in both dramatic and subtle ways. She is everything from an inconvenience to a life changer. In thousands of ways, she is a huge pain in the ass – and what I feel and think about her is totally irrelevant. 

Weather has a way of reminding me of one of my favorite sayings: “There is no such thing as bad weather, just wrong clothes.”

Growing up in tornado alley, we would have argued with that saying. Some weather just can’t be handled with a better coat. But nasty weather definitely taps into my inner control freak.

When I was a kid, we had tornado warnings regularly – and they were often backed up by actual tornados doing actual damage. We had a “tornado closet” that I got stuffed into more than once with my little sister. To this day, I hate, I mean really hate, being in tight spaces.

While in the closet, I would start inventing ways to eliminate, eradicate, obliterate or kill tornados. I was just SURE that a big enough gun could stop the havoc and get me the hell out of this closet! If a gun wouldn’t work, maybe there was something else like an airplane with special chemicals. It was magical thinking run amok.

The world is still waiting on my great inventions. The weather is still doing what the weather is going to do.

And my inner control freak is still learning what can and cannot be controlled.

​Worry and fear don’t solve things – even though they appear like wolves in sheep’s clothing, telling me they have the answers. Complacency and denial don’t solve things either, while they try to “shelter” me from the truth.

The media doesn’t help. Yes, they are giving lots of facts and sharing the best guesses as to storm path, impact, etc. They are also in the business of getting ratings, so they are also going to show the worst of the devastation over and over again. If I’m not aware, my mind will run away with me, fueled by the guy yelling over the wind while people walk calmly behind him.
Parsing out what I can and cannot control takes everything I have. Making decisions about whether to stay or go and what preparations to make takes up a huge amount of mental space.

It’s also great exercise on learning to accept what cannot be changed and do what I can do AND developing the wisdom to know the difference. (This is a not-so-subtle reference to the Serenity Prayer, which is one of the most powerful lenses through which to tame the lion of control freak.)

So I sit here on Sunday morning grateful to be inside, prepared for what I can think of, and planning to enjoy the day while the rain pounds and wind howls outside my door. Will I keep worry, fear and control at bay? Stay tuned.

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