Working together as a Mother/Daughter team can be super difficult. If you have followed our podcast, you’ve heard some of our dramas. So when you saw that we are “splitting up”, you might make up the story it’s due to mother-daughter conflict. However, we have a better reason.
Jen has started her own business.
She is working with the loved ones of people caught in addiction. What Jen realized after talking to and working with hundreds of addicts and their families is the parents need ongoing support too. And they aren’t getting it.
Jen has a hard-earned way of working with the parents who discover their child is an addict. I was once that very parent and the night Jen announced that she was hooked on drugs and had no idea what to do, neither did I.
What I needed was guidance and someone to help me navigate where I could help – and where I could not.
All I wanted to do was make it better and every single motherly instinct I had only pushed her further into the depths of the addiction.
To make matters worse, my friends and family had an opinion on what I should do. In some ways, the worst pressure I felt came from people two or three steps removed. Our plight was not something I shared widely, but when I did, the advice ranged from completely cut her off to go get her and bring her home. Like I really want to have a drug addict in my house!
What I did NOT have (at least at first) was someone with the wisdom to give me options and help me get through the fear, guilt and anger that paralyzed me or made me want to something – anything – to make this go away.
What everyone seemed to forget was this: Jen was an adult. My control freak tendencies were not going to get us very far.
What I needed was a set of leadership and influence skills that far surpassed my abilities under the pressure of this kind of life or death situation.
While I was able to get coaching during this time, it took a conversation with an addict to break me through the confusion and pretense that everything would be ok. Little did I know how much more I would have to get real and deal with my own patterns and “stuff” in order to truly help my daughter.
Many of my clients have found themselves in the same boat as me. For years, I’ve sent them to Jen because I felt she was much better equipped than me to help them navigate the realities of addiction. They all report back that the conversations with Jen were a deal-changer. After all, who knows better how to understand an addict than a fellow addict? She has been clean 12 years and has become a stellar coach in that time. I marvel at her ability to bring her deep experience and insight to those facing addiction with their adult children.
However, it takes more than a phone call or two to navigate a problem that took years to develop.
Jen herself did extremely deep work (still does) and she recognizes that addiction is not the end. It’s a signal that something very important needs to be addressed. It’s an opportunity for everyone in the family to grow.
That’s why Jen has created a website and a program just for parents who have no idea how to help their adult children or themselves when drugs consume their family. She also works one on one with mothers and fathers to help them build the strength and skills to deal with their own patterns so that they can set the conditions for their child to face their addiction and get on the path to recovery.
So here’s my question for you: How many people came to mind when you read this? Who do you know that could use someone to tell them what is really happening with their drug-addicted child?
Instead of just closing this page, I ask you to forward this to them first. They can schedule their first call with her with the click of a button.
You may be asking what am I going to do without having Jen in my company. I will miss our day to day interactions immensely. However, when she shared her decision to start this business with me, I deeply knew it was the way she is meant to serve in the world. Whether from the angle of mom or boss, my best service to the world is to joyfully let her go do her thing.